“People don’t buy because of logic, they buy because of emotions”


The main reason this book interests me is because of its author, Chris Voss, A lead hostage negotiator in the FBI. If a man is consistently successfully negotiating with kidnappers and criminals, it can be assured that his experience is valuable.


Negotiation is one of the most important skills to get what you want! Most of our interactions where you ask for something are negotiations, and if the other party declines your request, you can not just hammer them and get the job done, or they will wait there whole life to hammer you back. In a successful negotiation, the other party must not feel like the lost something. and this FBI agent has mastered it.


In an experiment, Harvard students were given some fixed budget and they had to buy something from Chris Voss, every single time he sold the item at the maximum prize and took every last penny from students that they had. Magic!, right?


The secret key to get what you want every single time is tactical empathy. Sounds manipulative? Trust me it is! But first, you must know what is empathy, I will not go into details but here is google’s definition “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another” There are 3 steps for a successful negotiation.


Listen Carefully.

While negotiating it is extremely important to listen to what they are saying, it does two things, first, you get a lot of points to use tactical empathy ( that we will discuss in a minute ), and second, the other party feels heard, if you can make them feel heard, they are very easy to work with and they are more open to what you are offering.


Understand their situation and Empathize with them.

You need to make them know, that you know their situation, their problem and you are their friend when you are negotiating if another party is very defensive, they ignore all the points and logic you present, when you empathize with them they feel emotional and let the guard down. They are more open, more interested in you and your offers. The author especially focuses on the word “That’s right, if you can get them to agree on a statement you present, you are on the right track.


Explain Your situation and get them to Empathize with you.

So now they are comfortable and interested in you, so you hammer the hot metal and explain your situation. The problems you are facing why is this bad deal for you, and get them to empathize with you. One the best question to ask in this situation is “How am I supposed to do that” a beautiful question. Because you are making them in charge and now they have to fix your problem. after this question there are only 3 responses, they can come up with a brilliant solution to your problem and it is a win-win for both, they can’t find a solution and compromise or they can say that’s not my problem if it’s 3rd response you made a mistake in the second point and didn’t empathize properly. 


Here is an example using tactical empathy:


Your landlord tells you that the rant is going to be increased from 5000 to 8000, straight up getting defensive and declining the offer is not the solution, your response should be, “I understand the electricity and water bills have raised and your apartment is really good as well so you feel the need to raise the rent, but I can barely save anything after paying 5000 as rent and monthly EMIs, how am I supposed to pay 3000”


You should try to counter every argument with an empathic how am I supposed to do that. So next time when you negotiate, you need to keep these points in mind and use Tactical empathy.

This is a beautiful book, covers many more concepts and tactics but this is my summary of this book that I understood from it.


You can buy and read this book yourself from here - https://amzn.to/34yzNkX


Happy Reading